If Manhunt is the third horseman of the apocalypse destroying gay culture, isn't the fourth and final horseman the straightening of ABBA? The movie Mamma Mia ought to feel like Sydney's Mardi Gras filmed like Moulin Rouge. In 2008, wouldn't the freshest way to handle lyrics like "Does your mother know that you're out?" be as an ode to young closet cases? Yet at every turn the film chooses the safest, straightest path.
Look, it's summer, the movie is fun, the second half is really enjoyable, you should go; Meryl, Christine, Julie, and Colin all have terrific nanoseconds; but I sat in the theater dismayed that the gayest pop hits this side of YMCA were being played out in a story entirely devoid of gay content. Except for Pierce Brosnan, there's not even good eye candy. Pretty colors yes, but the camera seems terrified of flesh. In his swim trunks the fiancee is mainly shot from the shoulders up (the cocky bastard from The History Boys). The dock dance is shot too far back, the guys are thirty-five and wearing flippers so they can't dance and some are cloaked in hideous Tommy Bahama short sleeve shirts unbuttoned. In Greece! I was on several Greek islands last summer and, happily, I can report that at beach dances everyone was shirtless and no one was over twenty-four, except my partner and I who moved invisibly through the crowds like Scrooge (me) and the Ghost of Christmas Past (him).
Then, in the movie's final moments, one of the girl's three potential fathers announces he's gay. It's extremely muddled but apparently he only realized his orientation the night before. He's almost fifty. At least he chose a very attractive man with whom to make up for lost time, but again the camera hurries past them.
It's disappointing because the director is an out lesbian, Phyllida Lloyd. Making her feature debut with a global franchise property she obviously wouldn't have had much autonomy, yet it's also clear given her background in English opera, she's closer to Wagner than HSM.
But, you know, The history book on my shelf is always repeating itself. No surprise that timid Hollywood still lags behind America on gay issues. We haven't had a major gay movie since Brokeback, and the next one, Milk, is another historical pic in which the main out character gets murdered for being gay. The tired lie that multiplex moviegoers "aren't ready" for the gays is refuted on this week's newsstand: The main cover of middlebrow, middle America People is Ellen and Portia's wedding, not the straight, goldenboy swimmer's eight Olympic medals.
If you need further proof that ABBA has been irrevocably usurped by the straights, help comes from John McCain. Blender asked both candidates for their top ten lists. (Worth the click to see all ten.) McCain's number three is Take A Chance on Me, and his number one favorite song of all time is Dancing Queen. Gay culture, we loved you; now, RIP.
John McCain's Top Five Songs
1. Dancing Queen, ABBA
2. Blue Bayou, Roy Orbison
3. Take a Chance On Me, ABBA
4. If We Make It Through December, Merle Haggard
5. As Time Goes By, Dooley Wilson
Barack Obama's Top Five Songs
1. Ready or Not, Fugees
2. What's Going On, Marvin Gaye
3. I'm On Fire, Bruce Spingsteen
4. Gimme Shelter, Rolling Stones
5. Sinnerman, Nina Simone